I don’t have a lot of time to write, because I am borrowing fantastic advice and I need to do “just do the next right thing.” And I know, in the saddest place of my heart, that the next right thing is doing the dishes. I wish it were something different. But it’s not.
I’m sorry that I lied and said I would update about my body and my soul once a week. That’s silly. You never believed me, anyway. I was doing such an excellent job with my goal to record my eating on my phone. It was helping me stay accountable, and my midwife was really happy that I only gained one pound during my first trimester. She gave me some tips for low-sugar eating and told me I was doing great. I felt on top of the world.
Then, vacation happened.
And I got all mad and then I got all serious and then I vowed to plunge back in the world of strictness because I was better than that. But I also gave myself a break, because the ebb and flow is just real life. Vacation happens. And then the first week of school happens. And then there’s not enough money that week for the freshest groceries you wanted to buy, or the crockpot somehow never gets turned on. That happens. I’m just trying to balance it out with lots of salads and fruit, and if I have pasta, I try to make it the kind with a serving of veggies in it. I’m feeling pretty good.
I do miss my nightly walk, which definitely fell to the wayside during vacation. I brought the stroller, but we were doing EVENTS every day and then we got back and there were more EVENTS and a weird streak of 5pm extreme nausea that made me a sad and sweaty lump every evening. (Side note: this pregnancy is very different and I’m really struggling because things are not following what I assumed was a predictable path and I’m bad with things not going according to plan. It’s making me impatient with my body and rusty in my soul, so it applies.) Anyway, Milo is sweetly sleeping, but I intend to get back to walking this week. It’s a necessity.
I feel very overwhelmed and here is why: school is starting, my pregnant body is lumpy and not really jibing with the clothes from last time (last summer. that was last time. oy.), Milo begins daycare soon, I need to finish my masters degree, I need to do the dishes, I need to start taking over my share of the nighttime feedings, our front porch looks like we paid someone to realistically decorate for Halloween (large spiders, hanging webs, dead plants), I need to renew my teaching license, Milo is starting to have tiny microtantrums and he hits/bites when he outbursts, oh my God what if he does that at daycare, I’m sweaty, always, and we don’t get paid until September 8th (countdown, amirite?).
I feel very calm, and here is why: I’m just going to do the next right thing. Do the dishes. Put in a load of laundry. Call my mother-in-law to confirm babysitting for some classroom work time. Go for a long walk. Make a yummy dinner for Milo and I. Make a list of talking points for tomorrow’s midwife appointment. Hug my husband, thank him for what he does. Keep checking things off the list. Repeat.