I’m alive!




(I love this poster from Public School– it hangs in the bedroom for the daily inspiration)

School started and I completely fell off the face of the Earth.  Daily since I’ve been home from Florida I’ve spent long hours in my classroom, and at this point I’ve already had three really great days with my first graders.  I’ve also attended a beautiful bridal shower for one of my oldest friends and am currently procrastinating on cleaning my house before a family campfire this evening, followed by a baby shower for Milo tomorrow morning.  Busy but blissful.

I’ve been ruminating constantly on this baby being here, on how I am very aware that I am dwelling in the calm before the storm, and praying that I will find some way to hold on to all these good feelings that are surging through me.  I’m prone to mood swings and and deep funks that have been missing from my life for the past 8 1/2 months, and I hope that I can find a way to keep that balance when my body lets go of this precious creature inside me and the care and keeping of an infant becomes my brain’s job.

Right now, wherever I go, people coo at me, tell me how adorable I am, how they can’t believe I am working so hard.  Ben pampers me and anytime I need to rest or sleep or get a tiny bit peckish, people usher me to a chair, fetch me snacks…I’m not kidding, I’m almost embarrassed by the attention I get (and I love attention).  I know it will be different to still feel ungainly but not have the excuse of a second human inside of me.  I’ll miss flattering maternity clothes and feeling Milo swirl around inside of me.  I’ll miss watching Indiana Jones with Ben at 11 and then stomping around the house singing the theme song at the top of our lungs.  Actually, we’ll probably just keep doing that until Milo is old enough to die of embarrassment.  Then we’ll do it louder.

It’s just that having him here is a lot closer all of the sudden.  The academic idea of having a baby in the house is about to become a reality, and I’m happy that I’m starting to process this now, instead in the battle-ravaged aftershock of giving birth (I got brave enough to read the next chapter in my parenting book about the physical effects of labor).  I have excellent mama friends who are helping me see things the way they are may be, and more than anything I’m trying to remember that every little baby is as different as every adult person…there’s no way to prepare for what my son will be like before he gets here.  So I’ll try to patiently wait.


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